Broken?

Did you ever feel broken? Like an aged, run down, lesser version of your old unstoppable self? I've never been one to buy into the idea of feeling sorry for yourself. I mean, where does it get you? But feeling like your options are limited, your resources are restricted and you basically just can't fix yourself is such a horrible feeling. I don't want to be filed away with the quitters or sent to the mysterious island of misfit toys, but finding yourself in this type of predicament and working to redefine yourself is so incredibly challenging. It use to be so easy being me. ;)

Having recently given birth to my first child, part of me thinks that I should be elated with joy over the new role of motherhood. And that this joy should trump any disappointment, fears other ("selfish") short comings. I mean, who needs to work to redefine themselves when they relentlessly keep trying to get their infant son to respond to, "mama"? Don't get me wrong, my son is the most important thing in my life right now and that does bring me great joy. But I can't help but long for, at the very least, the time I thought I didn't have prior to being a parent. I would do so much with this minimal time. Hindsight is.. well, need I say it? Being a parent doesn't directly relate back to being "broken" but in many ways has created a huge obstacle in my redefining efforts. Having a child just threw another 5mth/20lb/26inch (and growing fast!) element into the mix.

You may be wondering, where is she going with all of this? Patience! I'm getting there.

Transitions are tough, yet each and every one of us has to go through them. They keep us on our toes and challenge us to redefine how we perceive ourselves, our environments -- our lives. Through most of my transitions, I have always looked for what I would best describe as "angels". I'm not an overly religious person, but I do very much believe in human kindness and
following rainbows (in the figurative sense ;) ). Overall, I would say I've been rather lucky in life and have been fortunate to be surrounded by fantastic friends, been offered wonderful opportunities, found love, found love again and experienced great adventures. I also now have a son who is so beautiful that I often find myself wondering how (again) I got to be this lucky. I could never have done it alone. I have met many "angels".

Through the ups and downs of life, though all of my life transitions to date, I can't say that I always had a clear sense of purpose. Most of the time, I don't. I try my best to take the good with the bad. After all, as my mama told me, "that's just life: it's both good and bad". When things are tough, I break down but ultimately remind myself, tomorrow is a new day. But there's just this one hurdle that I can't seem to surmount, one transition that has me feeling stuck, one predicament for which I can't find the right "angel". And that is the issue of the physical pain that has been plaguing me for the past four years and has stopped me from training/racing. FOUR YEARS! Has it honestly been that long? I have to fight tears thinking about it.

The positive outcomes of this crap situation is that I have become a stronger swimmer, I really enjoy cycling and power yoga rocked my pre-parenthood world. But now, five months postpartum (and five pounds lighter than I before I got knocked up - go me!), I want nothing more than to take my 45mins of me time and hit the pavement. However I find myself in more pain now than I was right before getting preggo. More pain that I was when I was carrying around 30 lbs of extra weight. The pain has tightened up my entire left side of my body, from my left sesamoid to left neck. I want it to disappear. I want to get back out there. I want to not feel (physically) broken.

As a competitive athlete and fire sign, I pride myself on my passion. My college coach once sat me down and told me I would never be as talented as some of the "stars" on our team, but that I had a lot of HEART. Some people would have taken offense to this "Rudy" type of pep-talk, but I take pride in the fact that I put my heart in to what I do. And the best way to fire me up is to tell me that I can't do something or that I'll never be the star. I PR-ed in most of my events that year.

But I'm losing hope that I'll get through this transition and come out better for it. I want to push through, but is my passion and persistence enough to go on? Will another "angel" come meet me and point me in the right/life altering direction? Am I looking to hard or not looking enough? I haven't by any means completely given up, but I just can't help feeling a little broken, restricted and directionless in this department.

I'm too sexy for my crutches!

Good morning, party people!

Here is a picture of me before my first outdoor crutch-about on Wednesday night
(day after surgery).
PS: I look kind of crazy.

Recovery is going well so far and now that I'm an "old pro" at my daily post-op routine, I'm kicking it up a notch to add some new homework (courtesy of my PT duo of Ben Gelfand and Rebecca Kalb at STAR Physical Therapy). My first session of PT was last night and I was able to do the upright bike for 20mins (very very slowly)!

I'm amazed at how much stronger I feel every day. I was crutchin' around like a fool yesterday (to/from PT) and am paying for it a bit this morning. My leg is a bit sore and so are my arms. Oddly, my right glute (opposite leg) is super tight. I think because I've been using my right leg so much more for stability. So, I have to be careful not to hurt anything else while compensating the next few weeks.

I just want to thank all my friends and family for their thoughts and well-wishes this week. It's meant a great deal to me to have so many friends and fellow runners so concerned with my recovery. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

And so the come back mission is on, baby! Stay tuned!

We All Need Somebody To Lean On

Whether it's through blogging or posting on discussion boards, our resources and ability to lean on other runners/athletes for support is infinite. When I was at my most heightened point of frustration with my injury, I turned to a Runners World discussion board for support. It was a few days after my initial diagnosis when I found one of the longest and largest discussions in under the "injury" section titled "torn labrum in hip". The discussion was initiated in September of 2004 and has about 2,098 posts and over 110,000 views. Of course, I have not read the entire discussion, but I have followed the stories of a few of the more frequent runners who have posted. I have also posted there, seeking advice.

When my PT and Doctor gave me the nod for surgery, my PT (in the presence of my Doctor) told me that I would be "underwhelmed" with the recovery. So, I had myself taking tomorrow (surgery day) and Wednesday off with the idea that I might be able to return to work on Thursday. However, I'm starting to think that taking a few more days off might be a better option after reading a response from another runner who has gone through the same surgery. I have posted his suggestions to me (from the discussion board) below,

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TheRunnerChick, I live in NYC so I can give you some advice. The CPM machine only bends your knee and hip to a certain degree determined by the doctor. Although it does look a bit crazy the motion it does is very simple. While you should be able to strap yourself into it you won't be able to lift it so someone will have to set it up for you. I did wear a hip brace. It's not too bad. THe first week really is the hardest...is there someone who can help you for the first week or two? At least drop by and do basic household things and help you out?
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As for getting around NYC: I assume you have a week or two to just rest. You will need it most likely. You definitely do not want to go crutching around NYC in the first week even if you're feeling good. One, you don't want to overdo it and two if you are in a crowded area you definitely do not want anyone bumping into you. I would not attempt the subway on crutches. Wait until you are off of them...just not worth the risk of hurting yourself especially if you're by yourself. You could probably manage the bus, but it's hard because although you are on crutches you still really have to be careful not to overdo it and prolong your hip recovery. I took taxis. Yes, expensive, but I wasn't taking them often and it was the best way for me to get around. I am in school and I live about 3 blocks from school so I would go there and back. When I needed PT, doctor's appts, etc...I took cabs. My groceries were delivered from Fresh Direct and I had roommates in and out if I needed something. I did have to do a lot on my own and it's struggle, but hang in there, take it slow, and know that you will be frustrated at some points, but it will work out. Let me know if you have any other questions. Good luck!!

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So maybe my original plan needs to be tweaked just a bit?? I suppose I won't really know what I this recovery is going to be like until I'm at that point, but I think the advice of "taking it slow" is something we can all benefit from when on a come back mission (like me).

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Anyway, just wanted to promote sharing (again). I plan to continue posting on the Runners World discussion board as well as my blog to keep everyone posted on my progress. I promise not to make every post about me (because that's boring). If you know other runners who could benefit from more information on this injury, forward them to my blog or to the discussion boards on runners world. I know there are other helpful resources out there too, so if you would like to share them, please add a comment to this post.

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Godspeed, mighty runners!

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- TRC

Oh, that's hot!

So, it's four days until surgery and I really wanted to show off all of my flashy (post-op) accessories!

READY OR NOT....


Accessory # 1: The (deluxe) Bledsoe Philippon- Post-Op Hip Brace:




Oh yea, baby! You know you want one!





Accessory #2: The (incredibly comfy looking) foot positioning brace

As "Vivian" from the medical supply company told me (in her life long smoker sounding/native new yorker accent) ,

"if you have any friends with crazy fetishes, now's the time to invite them ov-ah"

Wow! lol!




Accessory #3: The Knee Continuous Passive Motion (CPM) Machine


I'll be riding this baby (the CPM machine) four hours a day!

Sorry boys, I don't think the chick's included. :)








Oh, and there's so much more! Just wait until you see my ice machine! wooooowhoooo!

I'd show you, but I just wouldn't want to make you too jealous! :)

"Favorite Thing" Fridays - COME BACKS!

Everybody loves a come-back!

So, now that I've answered the question, "Is she still alive?", what about you? Are you still out there? :)

Wow! Well, its certainly been a while since my last post. I just got increasingly difficult to keep posting since I felt that most of my posts just focused on my hip/hammy drama. And since in the last (almost) two months, I haven't really been doing too much running and nothing had changed with my injury, well, there seemed to be little I wanted to write about.

Watching everyone gear up for marathon season has been so difficult. I'm okay with not running one this fall, but I'm not okay with the fact that I still can't run.... well, can't run fast and frequent like I normally would be. Also, my new career as a medical circus poodle has consumed my life and temporarily sucked the passion out of my very being. ...and yes, I have become a bit of a drama queen!! However, things in the circus poodle realm did take a bit of a twist a few weeks ago. Let me explain, but let me start from where I left off in the summer...

Since my labrum tear diagnosis in early August, I have been on a steady recommended diet of slow, flat, infrequent running. I have complimented this insufficient meal with a few servings a week of the elliptical and swimming. As you may recall, following my diagnosis my Orthopedist, Dr. Bharam said that he wanted me to go to physical therapy because he did not feel comfortable operating on me until he was certain that my symptoms could not be fixed by PT treatment. In his words, "I treat patients and symptoms, not MRI films". I found this very honorable, but frustrating since, in my mind, it meant that the saga would continue. He sent me to his "go-to" Physical Therapist, Ben Gelfand (owner to S.T.A.R. Physical Therapy) in midtown who spent a decent amount of time assessing me and asking questions. He prescribed two weeks of VERY slow and flat and short (could this get worse) running. Ben had a great sense of humor and I like his action plan, so I was content with backing off and logging my progress. After two weeks, I e-mailed my progress to him, which really wasn't all too promising. After a few weeks of phone tag and a long over due conversation, I was set up with an appointment to meet both Dr. Bharam and Ben together at one place.

Finally, judgement day arrived (or at least that's what if felt like) and I met with both Bharam and Gelfand to discuss my fate. After another evaluation and a significant conversation about my progress (or lack there of), they decided that surgery to repair my labrum tear would be the next best option. And so there you have it... I'll be going in for the procedure next month with the hopes that my symptoms have been related to this injury or that they will be better treated by first fixing this deficiency in my hip.

When I first met with Ben he promised me the Broad Street Run in 2009. And not just a "you can finish" the race, but a " you can race the race". When we met to discuss the surgery, Ben assured me that I would be underwhelmed with the recovery. A few days on crutches, a few weeks until I was returning to activity and then a few months (4-5) until I was out running.

Oddly, I had peculiar dream last night which concerned my recovery. I dreamt I already had the surgery and had just woken up in the recovery room. To my surprise, Coach Cane was in the next gurney and he had just had the same surgery. After saying hello and exchanging the normal niceties (of course) I jumped to my feet and started walking. Everything felt great! So great that I was like, see ya Coach Cane and I went in the next room where there was an indoor pool and I started swimming a few laps. ha! I mean Ben did in fact tell me I'd be underwhelmed by the recovery! Anyway, my hip and hammy started to hurt of course and so I went back to tell Coach Cane who immediately said, I told you so. ha! ...That Coach Cane, such a wise man!

So...back to reality and now it's count down to surgery day. I'm back bloggin' for now.. but the true comeback starts November 18th. Stay tuned!

Circus poodle

Over the past month, progress on my hamstring issue has been minimal while I worked to sort out a few billing issues with my health insurance (again). I'm not going to lie, a few weeks were also spent vacationing and trying to forget about it all. But this week I got the results of my third MRI and met up with "Orthopedist #3" again to go over them.

Basically, I got a call yesterday from my Doctor's office saying the results were in and that I needed to make an appt. immediately. All they told me was that they had found a "small tear" and I needed to discuss it with the Doc. Since this past MRI was a (painful) arthrogram, the focus was more on my hip/hip joint rather than the hamstring muscles. So when I got this call, all I could think was, finally a diagnosis!

Before my appt this afternoon I couldn't hold myself back from googling away to try and find runners with similar symptoms who were also found to have a labral tear. Just in doing a simple search, "hip labral tear and hamstring pain", I found Tim here who seems to have similar symptoms as me (sans the catching/clicking in the hip). Although thoroughly depressing, I felt somewhat relieved to finally know what was causing this pain. So, it seemed to me (at this point/earlier today), all I had to do was go speak with my Doctor about what I should do next.



However things took an unforeseen twist when I got to my Doctor's office. He showed me the films and confirmed the small tear in my labrum cartilage, but then explained to me how the symptoms for a typical hip labral tear really do not include hamstring pain. Considering that I do not seem to have the normal symptoms for this type of injury, he was concerned that this was not what was bothering me. He explained further that he "treats patients and not MRI films".
He mentioned that I could be experiencing displaced pain, but that basically "he really does not know". He confirmed that the tear will not heal on it's own and "could" get worse (yes, "COULD"). He also said that he could operate, but since my symptoms are "displaced", there is no guarantee that surgery would help the pain I'm experiencing.

So, what he suggested was sending me to a Physical Therapist for another evaluation and strength test. He said that after "his PT" evaluates me he will have a better idea of how to proceed. Well, damn-it if this news didn't make me well up with tears... again. I'm so fucking sick of this (sorry to cuss)! I'm in pain most days of my life and have cut my running back to a pathetic amount. If my hamstring looks fine but I have a tear in my labrum.. well, let's just get on with things. Let's just fix it if it won't fix itself. I'm so tired of whining about this and I just want to get out there and run, but I don't want things to get worse and I'm frustrated by the worsening pain and my inablity to run as fast and as strong as I know I can. I'm losing fitness and friends. ha! okay, maybe the last part was an exageration, but my friends are all out there running. I watch race after race go by.. and it plain out stinks!

But I guess I have no choice but to keep jumping through hoops until I find an answer.

MRI - Arthrogram - Postponed!

Not that I was really looking forward to having dye injected into my hip (sounds lovely huh?), but I was very interested to see what this image would show. It seems that I will not have that opportunity, well at least not right now. As it turns out, the price of the Arthrogram was about $3,000! This is about $2,400 more than what the same imaging center told me it would cost the day before (when I called to find out). Plus, that price doesn't include the x-rays I'm schededule to get done as well.

Interesting how no one seems to know what they are talking about when it comes to medical billing and insurance. It seems like everyone just guestimates and hopes they are right. I imagin the United Health Care - customer service center as a whole floor of cubicals filled with customer service reps all sitting around chearping in the phone their best bullsh*t guestimates. With the corporate moto hanging on a banner over head, "Do your best to make sure the customer thinks you know what the hell you're talking about!" or "when all else fails, talk in circles until they give up".

Anyway, after going back and forth (on the phone) with my Doctor's office and the "peach" of a lady behind the glass at the imaging center, I decided to reschedule at a later time. I need to first figure out how I will pay for this.

It just frustrating knowing that I could shell out $800+ for MRIs and x-rays and have them turn out normal. Is that worth the peace of mind? I'm still trying to figure that out. Seriously, what do people do that have SERIOUS medical issues. On a scale of severity, my issue probably wouldn't even qualify as a "2" out of 10... and yet I want to scream.

I left the imaging center and sat by the east river watching a few trash barges and a couple yahts move up and down the river. I watched the happy runners trotting along the river path below and along the edge of Roosevelt Island on the other side of the river. I sat there for about 20mins hoping no one would come over and question why I was bawling like a big fat baby and that's when it started to rain, hard. nice. Anyway, the rain was enough to make me laugh at the entire situation. And then I started my trek back to the subway. Btw, who puts an MRI imaging center 3/4 of a mile away from any subway? idiots! This thought made me laugh too. The walk gave me enough time in the rain to notice that my leg hurt just walking home and that I probably need to cough it up and get the test done. Today just wasn't the day.

On a positive note, this morning is the most gorgeous day I've seen in a while. The skies in NYC are clear, bright blue and there's a slight breeze. GORGEOUS! :) Nothing like a fresh start of a new day to make you feel a whole lot better.

Let me see those hips!

I made a visit to Orthopedist#3 yesterday and he is sending me for an MRI arthorgram of my hip and x-rays of my hip and pelvis on Wednesday (tomorrow).

Doctor #3 was my favorite so far. He seemed to probe further and really listen to what I was trying to tell him. Also, he seemed impressed with my marathon time which I must admit is an easy way to win me over.

Doc #3 is a hip specialist and I was originally referred to him to be tested for Piriformis syndrome, but he immediately ruled that out. He said that his gut instinct is that the muscle pain is being caused by minor deficiencies in my left hip.

So, at least this test will rule that out and we can all scratch our heads again. .We'll just have to wait and see. But for now, I need to get back on the phone with my insurance and figure out how I'm going to pay for this next MRI. Have I ever mentioned how much I love united health care? :)

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"You're not going to like what I have to say", says Orthopedist #2

Okay, I think it's safe to say that anything that starts out with the phrase, "you're not going like what I have to say" is pretty much the making of a crap day. I'm starting to not like what most people say. Does this make me bitter? Probably. ha! So what?

The Orthopedist behind door #2 said that he thinks there's a good chance that I'll have to deal with my hamstring pain forever. He told me that he wants me to see another orthopedist who specializes in hips problems and diagnosing Piriformis syndrome. Hmmm? Sound familiar? It's like deja vu or something!

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On a positive note, he also had the same analysis of my MRI films (as Orthopedist #1), "No structural damage" and "Everything looks normal". Well, thank goodness for that, I suppose.

So, now we have to wait to see what the Orthopedist behind door3# has to say next Monday. Stay tuned. I bet the suspense is just killing you!

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I swam my little heart out last night, just for therapy. And my hamstring/left leg felt awful today. Not just my hamstring, but my left calf locked up too. The build up of not running regularly is pretty much killing me. After the two weeks of being pretty much off (apart from those two short runs), I've been out there about 4x's a week and alternating cross training and pity parties on non-run days.

There's a few things I'm thinking right now, One, maybe I can become a gym junkie, like a total body building muscle head or an aerobics instructor who just doesn't kick her left leg. This is totally not the former me, but maybe I can start a new chapter in my life as "Buns of Steel Chick" or "Little Miss Muscle Head".

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I mean, this chick's hot, right? No, seriously, do men actually like when chicks wear their bottoms wedged up in their who-ha like that? That just looks uncomfortable. But yes, her abs are undeniably kick ass.

And my second thought, actually, there is no second thought. I can't stop laughing over the fact that I just wrote "who-ha". Whatever, I'm not going to hit the gym for infinite hours on end. Let's get serious, I like being outside too much!

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Ahhh... F- it! Pain or no pain, I'm running my little left leg off tonight. I just have to!

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I'm off to see my chicas at RUNNYC. I need some Central Park/NYC lovin' somethin' fierce!

Second Opinion

FLASH BACK... to a blog post I accidentally left hanging in my "edit post" box for about a week.

It seems as though my use of denial as a defense mechanism has slowly crept into life as a blogger :) I guess I've just been keeping myself busy with other silly distractions so I wouldn't have to talk about the big monkey on my hamstring.


He's scary lookin', ain't he?


Okay, so let me explain...



But first we must time travel back to last week....

Unpublished post from June 10:

Going back to seek a second opinion is something that's been on my mind for the past week. I decided to give everything I had to the treatment I was receiving through my Chiropractic office. I needed to believe the treatment was helping the problem in order to focus on getting everything else back in order. It seemed as though I was finally getting things back on track and sticking on a plan that had me both feeling more confident and fit, but the last week sort of flipped things upside down.



Over the past few weeks it had been giving us both a bit of hope that the most painful "trouble spots" were shifting and that I was back out there running 4-5miles about 3times a week (not pain free, but at least able to get through). However the pain worsened last week and the only thing that I threw in (that was different) was a pool running - workout (which my hammy did not like one bit) and a few yoga classes. I also found myself stretching the area a bit more, which seemed to continue to worsen the soreness and tightness I was feeling. grrr... I'm angry just thinking about it (and yes, i just growled out loud!!)



Yesterday marked my eighth visit to the chiropractor over the past six weeks. When I arrived at the office, I was met with the standard question, "how are things going?". I guess the look off defeat spoke for itself because I really didn't have to say too much before my chiropractor sighed and suggested the one thing that none of us like to hear, "you should take off completely for two weeks". Completely!?!?! Well, my initial thought was my initial thought "what does that mean exactly?". Immediately my mind started to race to.. "well, what other things CAN I do?" Basically, I was told not to do anything for two weeks and to seek a second opinion. During the normal routine of treatment yesterday they also located yet another spot (on my hamstring) which was of concern. The Chiropractors expression of concern and frustration did not help my own similar feelings regarding the matter.

TIME OFF!?!? time off? hmmm????

I would have kept going in to the Chiropractor for treatment, but the "well, keep us posted and contact us if you need anything" comment at the end of my visit made things feel kind of final. I suppose I appreciate the fact that they don't want to waste any more of my time if things are working, but I'm so confused about where to turn next.

June 10 and beyond....

So, on my way home I stopped by Coach Cane's studio for some moral support. Jonathan offered some great suggestions and gave me some hope that the answer to this lingering issue might be found by seeking another opinion. He suggested another Orthopedist who is a runner/triathlete himself. This Doctor was recommended to me in the past so I was already familiar with his name. It seemed like a smart next move and overall I was feeling better about going forward in this direction. Yes, everything was fine... especially after I went home and processed the decision over a few glasses of wine. However, after I actually called the Doctor's office the next day I quickly found out that Doctor#2 doesn't take my insurance. All I could think was, "that's cute" as the nurse (very nonchalantly) informed me that my first consultation would cost $375. Ha! So... knowing that I would be out of town for the next week and a half. I decided to back off again from running or anything that will aggravate the area as I try to figure out my next move.

I can't help from thinking about how many more races I'm going to have to miss this summer/ fall. I know getting this whole issue taking care of is the priority, but unfortunately I ran out of patience back in April.

So you think I can dance?

Boston, in all of it's Spring time glory, was a magnificent; blue skies and a crisp New England air that always spurs a feeling of nostalgia. I LOVE Boston!!.. and more specifically, running in Boston. However, what I don't like (or appreciate) is when my nagging hamstring pain disrupts my (close to spiritual) time spent running on the Charles river. As I barely made it through my four mile yesterday, I thought what could I have done to make my leg hurt this badly again?
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Suddenly, a light bulb went off!!! Visions of what can only be described as an "unruly" Saturday night dance party came flooding into my memory. For some strange reason these memories were repressed during my agonizing Sunday recovery. And it wasn't until documentation (in the form of a Kodak picture gallery) of the night's debauchery surfaced that I really was able to put my finger on the source of this recent increase in pain.
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Must I now do away with the other main joy in my life? Must I hang up my dancing shoes too? Oh,... I just won't do it! And anyone who knows me in the least will also know... that it's just NOT possible! As the amazing Patrick Swayze once said, "Nobody puts baby in a corner". Did I really just quote Patrick Swayze in reference to my uncontrollable addiction to dancing. Why yes, yes, I did!

And as I have said now a few times over, regardless of pain, this chick will continue to Run (and DANCE) on! :)

Change Your Shoes, Change Your Life!

Yup, it's back to ASICS for me!

Now, I'm not (fully) attributing my injury to my trail of the the NIKE Structure Triax 11, but since my hamstring pain did significantly worsen about a week and a half after wearing the new shoes, well, I thought it smart to see if going back to my ol' trainers might help. I obviously now know that there's no muscle tear and no serious damage to my lower back, hips or the hamstring itself. And so, it's shooting in the dark to see what works... and I'm just hoping and praying to hit the target!



The pain is still there (walking, sitting, you name it) even though it's now on six weeks of no running. I'm crawling out of my skin to get back on the road! I did sneak out this past weekend for a slooooowwww 30min run and it hurt, but I managed.



To re-cap my progress (or lack there of) with this injury, after getting clean MRI results at the beginning of April, I was referred to a Exercise kinesiologist who studies Chiropractic Medicine, however he did not take my insurance. I called back to my Doctor to see if he could recommend someone else, but I didn't hear back for a week. So, in the meantime, I scheduled and appt with a chiropractor I had gone to back in Fall 2006. Tonight will be my second visit to that Chiropractor and I'm hoping this helps! My Doctor's office did finally get back to me with another name, but it was for a Physical Therapist. I'm not sure what direction to go in.. so I haven't called that office just yet.

As far as my own prognosis, I really am starting to think it's my sciatic nerve and I've noticed that it hurts more then I wear flat shoes. Does that make any sense to anyone out there? I'm sort of in a catch 22 though considering my leg hurts less when I wear a slight heel, but my sesamoid bones get irritated when I'm in heels. go figure!



Well, either way, I need to be back out on the road in two weeks. I signed up for the NIKE NYC Half Marathon and I DON'T want to sit this one out! .. I also can't settle for racing it half assed! So, we'll see!

"No Gross Abnormalities"

Prognosis: "No Gross Abnormalities"

..NOPE!, only pretty ones! :)

Today my doctor called me with the results of my MRIs and everything came back fine, which at this point is both a blessing and a curse. My doctor said that he didn't even see a tear in the hamstring or scare tissue, which is seriously relieving and very disturbing. I'm starting to feel like one of those sad people you see on TV who are suffering from unexplained psychosomatic pain or something. Seriously, what could this be?

My doctor referred me to an exercise kinesiologist in the city who also studies chiropractic medicine. He thinks it might be pain resulting from the way I'm walking/running/moving in general. It's just so interesting to me since the pain hasn't really subsided over the past few weeks that I've been trying to rest it. This whole thing is so super frustrating and makes me just want to head out for a run tonight... pain or no pain! How can everything look normal when I'm in so much pain just walking or sitting?? It really just doesn't make sense.

And so this pathetic saga continues...

(MRI) - My Ridiculous (health) Insurance!!

So, here I am in my naive little world complaining the other week about having to pay money for a doctor's visit where I didn't learn anything new about this chronic hamstring issue. I've missed days, I mean weeks, of running and am still in pain just walking around... and on top of all of this I just found out that my MRIs (yes, two) are going to coast me $500 out of pocket. Seriously?!?! Not to mention the woman I dealt with at United Health Care, wasn't the most pleasant and caring person in the world!!


I do not want to turn this post into a b*t@h fest and I had plans of writing something fun and uplifting in celebration of today, my 28th birthday!! I wanted to write about how I woke up to a great gift from my roommate and to several fantastic texts, e-mails and messages from my friends, family and fiancé. I wanted to write about how I bought a birthday gift for myself, a beautiful brand new road bike (with Coach Cane's help) and how excited I am about it. But instead, I'm holding back tears regarding this health insurance issue and thinking that life is just sometimes unfair. Ironically, I've spent the last week and a half consoling countless friends, family members and students (at work) who were on the edge of complete breakdowns. The amount of people crying to me has been borderline absurd! (Must be something in the air??) And now, I'm sitting here fighting it.. wishing someone would come around the corner with a violin because at least that would be really really funny!

I am fully aware that there are bigger issues out there and this is seemingly insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but either way, I'd just rather not have to deal with things like this. But I suppose, such is life... and you just have to keep rollin' on.

So, if anyone out there really wants to make me happy this birthday ...just send me a new left leg so I can just forget about dumping all this money into fixing a mysterious problem and can just get back out there on the road! I miss running! ...But yes, I will "make lemonade" with the 500 lemons I've been dealt... and I'll get on a cycling/swimming schedule, but it's just been difficult to do with everything that's been going on.

Tonight: A pool workout.. . YES, it's can be a "Wet and Wild Wednesday" today .. and then celebratory birthday drinks and some sweet potato fries at pommes frites!

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!

Great job to Coach Cane's Killers for winning the RUNNYC Nike+ Challenge!! Unfortunatly I had to punk out of this one considering my current hamstring issue, but the competition was fierce and the energy of everyone involved was impressive. Great Job to everyone who was involved!

Make sure to check out RUNNYC's April Calendar!!

What's up, Doc?

I left the doctor's office last night feeling completely drained and defeated. I didn't expect and instant cure, but I was still hoping to maybe hear something promising or even something new about my injury.

First of all, does anyone else find something majorly wrong with the medical history sheets you have to complete as a new patient? I believe there was actually a question on the sheet last night that asked, "have you ever had a medical illness" and "If so, please list all and date below". As if everyone carries around their complete medical history in their pocket! Well, I left it blank and figured that if there was something relevant to my current issue, I would have listed it. I mean, what a ridiculously general question ...completely not worth my time.


So, I finally get in with the doc and a few pushes & pulls on my left leg and about a dozen "does this hurt", "ok, does this hurt", "ok, well, does this hurt" 's later ...and what was the outcome? Well, it was a prescription for an MRI and a "hmmm, four years is a long time to have been dealing with hamstring pain!". It couldn't have been more than an 8min evaluation and the response was, "get an MRI and then we'll see what's going on". And the question of "should I be running on it?" was met with a "well, I guess you could, but just don't go fast". Well geeez, thanks! ...and here's your $30 co-pay! woohoo! Ugh.. sorry, I'll cut the sarcasm.

Doc did also gave me a referral for more PT but with no specific diagnosis, I'd be doing the same things I was doing back in January/February when I was going. I loved my PT, but the treatment didn't seem to be helping anything. I think I'll wait until I get the MRI results before I resume PT.

So overwhelmed by frustration and self loathing after two weeks of drastically cutting my running back and zero pain relief, I decided to just walk it out. I walked about 6miles last night and that even made my leg hurt. grrr... I knew I had to get an MRI to determine what's going on and I also know I should have done this awhile ago. But honestly, it's just easier to be frustrated with the doctor then it is to be with myself. And really, there's no one else to blame but myself. I mean, I knew I had an issue with my hamstring and what did I do??? Well, I signed up for a kickboxing class. If that's not wicked smaaaat, I don't know what is!

Okay, okay, no more sarcasm.. promise! I'll try to stay positive!

My MRI is scheduled for early next week and they're checking my back, hips and hamstring. He wants to rule out a herniated disk or any issues in my hips. Considering my father had a herniated disk as well as two hip replacements before the age of 50, I think it would be important to rule this out as well. So, for now, more pool running and cycling for moi.

My spring racing plans are also foiled by all of this. I'm no longer participating in the Brooklyn Biathlon and the Broad Street Run is questionable. I'm just pushing everything back until I can get this figured out. I'd be incredibly sad if I have to sit Broad Street out since I've been wanting to do it for years. But I'm not racing it, if I can't race it right. I just won't do it!

Happiness IS a New Bike!!

I just came across this blog post from Runner's World. Yes, maybe directing my focus towards the purchase of my new set of wheels will be the route of my new found happiness. With the little running I'm actually able to do, I think I need to join fellow blogger "Gotta Run" and "Saddle up"! :)


Coach Cane has been helping me search for a new bike within my budget, but with all my running around of late (and, ironically, the lack there of "actual running"), I've put off actively searching through eBay like I should have been doing for the past four weeks. You know that dumb saying your mom used to annoy you with is really true, "when it rains it pours!". I can just hear the sound of mom's voice and her following up by telling me that I just put too much on my plate! ... what can I say, I have a big appetite! I've just been overwhelmed with life and have felt like I can't get it together. geesh! Seriously, I'm way to stubborn to not to keep ploughing through, but if it's not one thing it seems to be another. I'll eventually get it all under wraps.. and especially now that I have all this time that I'm not running.

The pool workouts are getting a bit monotonous and the hammy doesn't hurt when I'm cycling so I think that's the right direction for me. Okay, off to spin!

Also, my doctor's appt is set for this coming Monday. Fingers crossed!

Week #4 Training - Full of Surprises!

Review of Week#4 Training Schedule -(March 10 - March 16):

Monday: AM: 5miles, core strengthening routine, PM: 60min YOGA
Tuesday: AM: 7miles
Wednesday: Hamstring hurts like hell - OFF
Thursday: Hamstring still in pain - OFF
Friday: Traveling... hmm? off? Yes, OFF AGAIN! ugh!
Saturday: Savannah - 6 miles, 4 X 20 sec striders - still in pain!
Sunday: Savannah - 5mile run
Totals: 23miles (ugh!) + 60min YOGA



Thoughts: Well, as far as week #4 training goes, there's not much to talk about. My hamstring is sh*t! I'm not sure if it was the kickboxing or high repetition yoga that threw things completely out of whack, but something made things take a turn for the worse. I've been dealing with pain in my left hamstring for years but this was on a whole new level. So, I'm hitting the pool today and tomorrow for a few kick a*s workouts! I need to keep up my fitness level this week, and getting in a few good interval pool runs will help me out a bit in that department (while also allowing me to not put added strain on my hamstring.)



Additional thoughts: Week #4 brought it's fair share of surprises. First my hamstring went on the fritz, then I witnessed the Saint Patrick's Day festival madness in Savannah Georgia. Crazzzzy!! I also was in downtown Savannah during the blackout caused by tornadoes in the area. Walking through the city in the pitch-dark was a bit freaky!

But the ultimate surprise was when my boyfriend proposed to me in Forsyth Park after we finished up our run on Sunday evening. It was a beautifully warm & sunny day in Savannah.... and finding a fiance and ring of sparkling diamonds at the end of my run was so much better than any pot of gold!! So despite the training downer this week, the luck of the Irish was very much still alive! Erin Go Bragh!! :)


Training Plan: Week#5 -(March 17 - March 23):
Monday: OFF
Tuesday: AM: 5miles, core strengthening routine -
Wednesday: Pool Workout- TBD
Thursday: AM: Pool Workout - TBD, PM: YOGA?
Friday: Traveling... Yes, AGAIN! Try to get in 5miles in the AM
Saturday: 6 miles, 4 X 20 sec striders
Sunday: 7 miles run - depending on hamstring
Totals: mileage.. we'll see! + 60min YOGA

Getting Down Irish Style in the Dirty-Dirty

Ahhh.. it's vacation time! As Christian Siriano on Project Runway said, I am in need of a little "Breaky-Break". So, I'm currently maxin' and relaxin' down in Savannah Georgia.

Yesterday, Savannah held their renown Saint Patrick's Day Parade and post parade festivities down on River Street and in City Market. Wow! What a fantastic time!! Savannah is beautiful and it's just flippin' spectacular to be wearing flip-flops for a few days. Yesterday was so much fun despite the fact that it felt like it was three days long. We walked over 8miles throughout the day (yes, I'm a dork and I tracked it.. ha!) And in order to go along with the normal tradition of the day, we just HAD to start drinking in the early afternoon... But hey, I can do that kind of stuff.. I'm on vacation!! It was complete MADNESS down on River Street last night. Prime opportunity for people watching and I got some fantastic pictures!

Training Update: I'm way off my training schedule for this week and sort of bumming about it, but I think staying off my hamstring for a few days was well worth it. I feel a bit better today so I'm heading out for about 5-6miles. I really irritated it after Tuesday's run and what was originally one day of backing off (sadly) turned into three. I'm a bit upset about the whole situation since I was making great progress, but I'll have to just get back on the horse again and see if I can charge forward. I also made an appt to get an MRI on my hamstring, which is LONG overdue.

I plan to take some pictures on my run and post to whereirun.blogspot.com. I'll post them when I get back next week. For now, I'm off for a run and then some more green beer. :)

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!

Holy Hamstring Pain

Today's Training: So, I went out for 6 and planed to warm up for the first 15mins and then do 5 x 3min intervals at 10k pace with 1.30 recovery. Before I even set foot out the door this morning, I could feel my hamstring was even tighter than it's normal every day tightness, but still I pushed on with the plan. After my warm up, I started into the first interval, but I felt like I was going any faster than my normal pace. I pushed alittle harder, but my left leg felt like dead weight ...and pretty much like I was draggin it up the west side highway. I finished up the first pick up and recovery and then the second interval felt a bit better but not much. By the third, my hamstring was screaming in rage! I figured this wasn't doing me any good, so I cut the workout short, stopped to stretch and then just kept an average pace the entire way back. I ended up putting in 7miles total, but I decided to push the intervals back a few days.

I foam rolled, stretched and iced immediately after my run but I'm still in pain. I think tomorrow is going to HAVE to be a Wet-N-Wild Wednesday. I need to give Mr. Hamstring a rest. Ugh... so frustrating.